Jan 6: Repentance Part 2

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.  Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”  2 Peter 3:9

In my blog post yesterday I started talking about repentance.  I referred to a song by Relient K.  Today I’m continuing my study on repentance and referencing another song by Relient K, off the same album.  This song is a good way for me to describe how I’m feeling about losing myself.

Here’s “I So Hate Consequences” with the lyrics.

“But if my heart says I’m sorry can we leave it at that
Because I just want for all of this to end”

For the longest time I wanted the words “I’m sorry” to be enough, but I know it’s not.  I can’t just say I’m sorry God and keep living the way I am, to keep shutting him out.  You aren’t sorry if you keep doing what you’re sorry about.

“And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
Cause I know that I let you down
And I don’t want to deal with that”

The person who graduated high school in 2012 and wanted to live her life doing mission work would never believe who I am now.  I ran from God.  I ran fast and hard because I was hurt.  In a way I’m still running, just a little bit slower.  I’m struggling with believing 100%.  I let the person I used to be down.  It would be really hard for me to face her, to tell her everything I’ve done and how I’ve strayed.  I didn’t want to deal with telling myself I’ve changed and I don’t know if I’ll ever get back.

“And I know I can’t go on like this much longer”

This line obviously speaks for itself.  I can’t keep living my life with no meaning.  It’s killing me.

When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, “I miss you son. Come home”
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was more than
The love I’d wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you”

This last section of this song speaks to me, and moves me in so many ways.  Even if I turn away from God  I will always be his child, and he will always invite me back.

“And my sins, they watched me leave”

This is a big line when referring to repentance.  I’m leaving my sins behind for my new relationship.

“The love you felt for me was more than
The love I’d wished for all this time”

God’s love is never-ending.  It’s a love that will consume me and make me feel whole again.

“And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so’s”

Even when we stray from God and come back he will never judge us or rub it in our face that he is right.  I believe he lets us have those times so we can see the greater picture and come back to him with a greater understanding of his love for us.

2 Peter 3:9 says God is patient with me, and he wants me, and everyone else to come to repentance.  But repentance is not something you can do yourself.  God has to pull that person towards himself, it’s something he has to give. (John 6:44)

We can understand John 6:44 as saying: God not man, plays the most active role in salvation.  When someone chooses to believe in Jesus Christ as Savior, he or she does not only in response to the urging of God’s Holy Spirit.  God does the urging.  Then we decide whether or not to believe.  Thus no one can believe in Jesus without God’s help.

God has urged me to come back to him, I feel the emptiness without him.

“I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you”

God I need you, you know I need you.  I’ve needed you for my whole life.  I’ve especially needed you these last few years, and you were there for me.  I just wasn’t willing to see you.

But I’m ready now.

 

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