“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord” Acts 3:19
Repentance is and interesting subject for me. After doing some research, I now understand the word not as turning away from sin, but a complete change of who I am.
My late sister introduced me to a song many years ago, probably when I was in the 5th grade if I remember right. “Who I am Hates Who I’ve Been” by Relient K. I never thought anything of it at the time. When I was a freshman in high school I rediscovered this band and I loved them, only to remember I had been introduced in the few years before. Since then they have become my favorite band, and the ablum titled MMHMM has become my favorite album of all. I was even lucky enough to attend the Denver show of their 10 year anniversary of the album. Even though I’ve been struggling for the last 3 years, that album always makes me feel the comfort of God. It’s been slowly nudging me into changing myself.
Here’s “Who I am Hates Who I’ve Been” with the lyrics.
There are a couple sections that reach out to me, and really apply to what I’m going through.
“’cause I don’t want you to know where I am
’cause then you’ll see my heart
In the saddest state it’s ever been.”
Me doing this, writing this blog and sharing with all of you is me letting you see into my heart. This is hard for me. I’m letting God see my heart and how I’ve been struggling without him.
“I’m sorry for the person I became.
I’m sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I’m ready to be sure I never become that way again
’cause who I am hates who I’ve been.
Who I am hates who I’ve been.”
I do hate who I’ve become, I’m ashamed of it. It’s taken me 3 years to face God with an open heart, to change who I’ve been. To cast away my sins and the person I’ve let take over. I want this, I want my salvation, and never go back to who I am right now.
Acts 3:19 promises refreshing times. I long for refreshing times, I long for that relationship I with God years ago. I long for my faith back. I will repent my sins and change my life by turning to God.
Because I hate who’ve I been.